Pain & Love

by Destini Willis

Is it possible to live with half of a heart?
To live in a world where you feel absolutely lost?
Is it possible to love, really love someone more than your own self…
To live without the one person you could always run to when you needed help?
Is it possible, like really possible to keep breathing in a room with little to no air?
Have you ever felt like the world is crashing down on you and only you? Tell me…please, are you scared?
Because I was and I still am sometimes .. because I know life is so hard
I ask myself these questions because I feel like I’ve literally been through it all
The hurt, the pain, the heartbreak.. all in that order
The feeling of being left behind, while everyone else is moving forward
I searched and searched for happiness in all the wrong places
I lost my sense of identity and self in a sea of other faces
Smiling on the inside and dying within
I felt like I lost everything before my life could actually begin
But my worst mistake was using Love as my own personal slave
To help pick me up and be my drug when I constantly felt pain
I depended on Love to fix what I felt had been destroyed
And that was my heart .. and I expected Love to fill some of those voids
I gave Love bigger shoes than it could ever fit at the time
But how could I honestly expect Love to grow into a shoe without first giving it a size
But not just a size, but a quick look in the box
The outside looked perfect, well at least that’s what Love thought
Because if love knew just how much inside damage was done…
Love would have never settled in, instead Love would run..
But one thing I did learn from both Love and pain
Was that I could be strong all by myself and I could do anything ..
Being alone is necessary to grow into who you really are
You’ll never know what you’re capable of, until you venture out a little far
I learned that as long as I trusted my father from up on high
He’d be there to protect me and wipe every single tear from my eye
He showed me it’s possible to live with half of a heart
Because the other half has always been with him from the very start
Remember how I said that I feel absolutely lost?
Well he gave me his unchanging hand and he helped me to cross
Cross into my purpose, cross into my path
A path that included loving and putting Me first always instead of last
To you Mom .. the person I could always run to when I needed help
He showed me you were still here and that you actually never left
Breathing in a room with little to no air?
That was all in my head, but it went away with prayer
When I felt like the world was crashing down on me .. I was scared
But like always He showed me that he wouldn’t put me through anything I couldn’t bare
The way I used and abused love should have been illegal
But he showed me that that’s why we shouldn’t put all of our happiness into other people
He showed me that more than likely, pain brings sorrow
But never to keep my head held down because there’s always tomorrow
Pain and love is what brought me closer to Him
Don’t ever give up, always seek Him within
He gave me hope, he even gave me a story
And for that I’m grateful and he gets all of my glory

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