Holding On

By Bemsi Wallang

I’ve had no clue at all what God’s been doing with my life this entire semester, and while this terrifies me out of my mind, I know that living for Him is worth it because I know what a life without Him looks like.

I don’t know how to properly express how much despair I’ve felt in my short lifetime thus far. Delving into it all breeds nothing positive, and it’s always my goal to uplift a reader, so I’ll spare you the details.

Just know that without the peace of God I have no idea where I’d be.

But here I am. 20. One year away from graduating college (I hope). Mostly broke. Praying that God continues to work on me because I can feel myself slipping constantly.

And that is by far the worst. I know that I am so much more than a “student.” My roles in life do not make me who I am. But lately I’ve been at the beck and call of my roles, serving them so faithfully to a point where I don’t know how and almost can’t adequately serve myself. This discrepancy is pouring into other areas of my life that were once sacred, now everything is an aggregate of aggregates and I can’t decipher the truth from the fake.

My burdens aside, I always try to remind myself of how faithful God has been. My little victories and the rare occasions where I make myself proud. Moments with friends that turn my weeks around. Random calls from my family.

Having a home to go back to when I’m tired of Athens, and an Athens to return to when I’m tired of home. I am so grateful for all of these things. I know that God is intentional in all of His works with and for me. While they often confuse me, they never cease to amaze me, and I know He’ll never fail me. I know it.

So that is what I hold onto. And always will.

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