We all have a vision of the future that we want. Some people’s visions may be more specific than others, but nonetheless we all have them. We think about the type of lifestyle we’ll live, the countries we’ll visit, the houses and cars we’ll be able to afford, but most importantly, we all think about the love life and significant other we will choose to establish ourselves with.

Just like the first things mentioned, we have expectations for what the future holds for our marital status. We expect them to be a certain type of person that will pair well with us and our vision and help us expand in their own way. Likewise, we expect them to have their own vision that we can help them establish as well. We all have expectations for our future love lives; we all have standards. However, whether those standards are as extravagant as living a millionaire life in New York or as simple as a quiet life in the hills of Virginia, there is a question that we must ask ourselves: Am I making the necessary personal changes and improvements to allow this vision to present itself to me?

Have you set yourself up to live the life and meet the lover you have envisioned? The majority of the people reading this will say, “Of course, any man/woman would be lucky to have me in their life”. But is that completely true? A problem our generation have with relationships is the fact that we aren’t willing to look in the mirror at ourselves and recognize our own weaknesses.

We rarely give ourselves the responsibility of rising to someone else’s standard and only worry about them meeting ours. We expect Prince Charming or our Queen to meet our own standards we have envisioned since our high school days but we don’t think about their standards. If you met the man of your dreams, would you be able to meet the standards of his ideal woman? If the perfect woman showed up, how would you match up with her envisioned knight in shining armor she’s be looking for?

We focus solely on looking for people with certain capabilities and attributes to be our answer that we never realize that they are searching for an answers well. What a lot of young people don’t understand is that for a relationship to be successful, both partners need to be each other’s answer.

So what do we do? We realize that we have our own standards, but we also recognize that our standards have standards. To sum it up: we can’t be average but expect great results. Your King is somewhere building himself in all aspects in order to create his own vision of the future. Likewise, the Queen you’ve been praying for has been learning and growing to prepare herself for her blessings that are soon to come. Now, they may be perfect for you and everything you’ve ever wanted, but are you the same for them? Are you at least trying to be?

I met a woman a few days ago at a dinner party and the conversation we had, the one that inspired this letter, was one that changed the way I shall feel about relationships for the rest of my life. After telling her about the short and emotionless relationships I had experienced the past few years in high school and college, she began to tell me about her own trials with men from high school, college, and even through corporate America.

“After I had my first daughter at 19 with local gangbanger, I established standards for myself and the life I would provide my daughter. She deserved better and so did I. I knew what I wanted for her life and I knew what I wanted for my life, so I decided that the man I will marry will either be a doctor or a lawyer.” At first I didn’t completely understand her mission, in fact it sounded kind of desperate. Until she explained, “The reason that I chose a doctor or lawyer is because I knew that in order to find that man and qualify for that type of man I would have to improve the woman in the mirror. A doctor or a lawyer is going to be a man with his head on his shoulders and a clear vision of the type of life he wants to live and the type of woman he wants to be a part of that life. I had to recognize that I needed to grow if I wanted to attract the man that I wanted. 6 months after my daughter was born, I enrolled in the University of California, Berkeley so that I could become one of the best licensed real estate agents in California. This was something that I had already been passionate about but my passion increased when I put the man of my dreams at the end of the tunnel.” This beautiful woman who revealed to me that she was 46, though she didn’t look a day over 30, is now married to very successful lawyer from the University of Southern California and one of the top 10 female real estate agents in Georgia.

I don’t preach this theory to tell women to build themselves up in order to find a truly loving man; I don’t preach this theory to suggest that men should chase the image of the woman instead of vice versa. Don’t be afraid or naive of looking in the mirror to find your special someone. Evaluate yourself and find out if the person you are and on the way to becoming is the type of person your future lover would adore and treasure the way you do them.

We are at an age and time of our lives meant from growth and development. We have the world in front of us and all of its wonders are there for the taking if we apply ourselves and rise to our full potentiality. This theory of being the standard for your standard not only applies to finding your significant other, but also finding your post collegiate job and choosing your friends.

Do you meet the standard of a worker at your dream job? Do have the qualities of a true friend, similar to the kind of people that you keep around? Relationships are very similar. Assess yourself and rise to the similar standard of that special someone so that when you cross paths there won’t be a doubt in either of your minds.

Sincerely with love,

V