Are you okay?

A question that comes too often.

Closed lips struggle to open wide enough to spit words that are far from true.

Are you okay?

 

The answer is always yes.

Yes, everything is fine. Yes, I am having a good day.

Yes, I am doing so much better but better than what?

Framing these statements so lies don’t spill.

 

Shaping conditional truths to avoid further inquiry.

Are you okay?

Full truth…Everything is fine but only because the deep ache that persists in the depths of my soul has finally subsided for long enough for the numbness to set in.

 

I am having a good day because my urge to dive head first into the abyss seems bearable. When I stand on the street corner waiting to cross and lives pass me by I don’t have to clench my teeth and ball my fists to stop myself from taking a step too far.

I am doing better so much better because I was actually able to drag myself from the solace of my bed to be here with you today. I was able to bear a few bites that tasted like quicksand down my throat.

I was able to do the bare minimum to survive. Be proud of me. I am not living but I am surviving.

Are you not happy? I will stay and bear this pain so that you may live your life feeling none.

 

Are you happy?

Are you happy?

Are you happy?

Is anyone?